Who are you?
Who are you? When was the last time you tried to succinctly capture who you are in a handful of words?
Since I became unemployed almost a year ago, I've been asking myself this question a lot. In our society, the first thing you ask someone when you meet them (almost anywhere) is "what do you do for a living?" Shortly after I was laid off, I finally had the time to go to the doctor to get help with an on-and-off issue and she, too, asked me what my job was within the first five minutes of meeting me. At the time, I was still processing having been laid off and I viscerally remember how awkward I felt responding to her question. A year later, I no longer feel awkward sharing that I've been laid off and mention it unabashedly, in part to normalize conversations about layoffs, but I can still feel others' awkwardness hearing me bring it up. The follow-up question is always, "so, what are you planning to do next?"
It's hard not to contextualize who someone is without information about their job. This is partially because most people spend the majority of their time and energy at work, so they assume that how someone else spends the majority of their time and energy provides some kind of valuable information about who that person is. Our society is also obsessed with money and power, which many people get or don't get via their job.
So, where does that leave me? Recently, I've been trying to shift my own view of who I am and what I do. Right now, I trade options as a primary source of income, but "options trader" means nothing to me as a job title. I could call myself an "investor" or "self-employed" but again, all of these words feel insignificant. Because of how meaningless it all feels, it's been easier to distance myself from "work," which in turn, has opened up new possibilities and opportunities for who I am.
I finally did some yoga yesterday evening and while I was stretching, the phrase: "creator and enjoyer of beautiful things and moments" came to me. For someone who feels most at ease in a pottery studio while wheel throwing, this shouldn't have come as a surprise. But, it is quite different from how I've spent the majority of my life and it took me aback--in a delightful way. When I think of who I am at my core, I think about my greatest character strengths, which include zest, gratitude, appreciation of beauty, perseverance, hope, perspective, and judgement & open-mindedness. These come from the VIA Institute on Character quiz, which I took during a Positive Psychology course in college. While these may have changed, I still think many of these are my greatest strengths, including the top 3 of zest, gratitude, appreciation of beauty. In this context, trying to find a sense of satisfaction or deep fulfillment from job titles with "strategy" or "business operations" seems like looking for a needle in a haystack. The same goes for "options trader."
What if we see ourselves as just us, with work (aka the thing we do to make money) a small part of what it takes to live a rich and full life? Who do I see myself as? What description actually sounds like who I am and who I want to be more of each and everyday? For me, I want to build and experience beautiful things, whether these are pottery pieces, moments of joy, or a lovely trip somewhere new. Thus, a creator and enjoyer of beautiful things and moments feels truer than any other title out there.
Of course, we don't need to call ourselves anything, but it is nice to think about what role you occupy in the community and world around you. Whether that is helping to educate the next generation, taking care of your elderly grandfather, fighting for women's rights, growing your own vegetables, producing innovative art, or enjoying a sunset everyday, it's reassuring to know you offer something to the world. If you wonder about the "value" you produce, ask yourself if there is just one person out there who enjoys or benefits from your existence or actions. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't fit the bill. And if you really can't think of anyone, then I'm the person. I appreciate you for being here and reading this. You've already done what you're supposed to do--just exist and be here in this moment. I love you.