Would you ever have imagined that you could be grateful for being laid off?
It’s officially been a little over three weeks since I was laid off. Being laid off is one of those things you see in the news, in headlines, on other people’s LinkedIn posts. But, you never expect it to actually happen to you…until it does. And even then, you can’t really believe it’s happening because it feels like it’s completely out of left field. At least, that’s how it went down for me. I knew of a few people at various tech companies who had been laid off in the previous weeks and had seen the daily news updates on which startups were the latest to join the rest, citing concerns about the economic downturn. Not to mention the fact that my then-employer had been on a hiring freeze, despite the desperate need to hire for some critical roles. The whole thing happened so quickly. Within an hour of being told that I was one of the unfortunate employees impacted, my computer access to email, Slack, etc. was all disconnected.
The worst part of the whole experience was the two hours between receiving a company-wide email saying there would be a layoff and a mysterious calendar meeting that had been added for 10:15AM. I was 99% sure I was going to be laid off. Why else would there be a meeting called “Transition Meeting” with my manager and assistant general counsel, not to mention a random deposit from my company that had been deposited into my bank account that morning? The waiting while suspecting the worst was the least pleasant part, not the actual outcome. It was 11AM on a Wednesday morning and I was totally free.
Simultaneously, while my computer access was being cut, I received an email saying I was the lucky winner of two lottery tickets to the Broadway show, “The Book of Mormon.” It was officially one of the weirdest weekdays I had ever experienced, but it wasn’t all bad. In that immediate aftermath—once the shock of the whole thing had subsided—I was…fine. In fact, more than fine. I was relieved. It’s hard to put into words the feeling of having your worst work fear actually happen to you but having that also be the thing you’ve secretly been dreaming about.
You see, I had only been at that job about three months (not even) and I had my doubts starting the second week. There was something about the job that felt like a very wrong fit, which was especially disappointing given how excited I had been to take that job. It felt like I had been saving up to buy a gorgeous pair of shoes that looked amazing, but once I put them on, I couldn’t wait to take them off. Those shoes were uncomfortable, digging into my toes and ankles, clearly not the right shoe for me. But, what could I do? I had just paid a whole lot for them and couldn’t afford to buy a different pair. So now what?
That’s what I had been asking myself for the last 11 weeks. What can I do about these horrible shoes that are making my feet bleed all over the place? And just like that, the manufacturer recalled them. Can you imagine the relief you would feel if you got to take off those shoes after being ready to cut them off yourself? Screw what you paid for them. Nothing should be worth that agony. So when I was laid off, I felt like the manufacturer had demanded I send back the shoes for a refund and then some.
I felt so thankful, relieved, and seen by the universe.
This whole experience has felt divine in some ways. It feels like a higher power that had been watching over me could no longer bear to see me in the state that I was—unhappy, depressed, anxious, full of anger, stuck in victim mentality, barely surviving. I know to some this will sound dramatic. I also know that those who have been where I have been, know exactly the kind of deep unhappiness of which I speak. I feel like the universe wanted to remind me that life is precious, time is limited, and we cannot afford to stay stuck in situations we know are out of alignment.
This gift, this reminder, has given me a second chance to make this year a memorable, meaningful year I can look back on and say wow, I can’t believe that was my life—because of how good it was, rather than because of how much I was wasting it. Life sometimes throws us challenges that seem unbearable, but I’m a firm believer that life only gives us what we can handle.
The next time something unexpected, scary, or downright terrible happens, take a moment to breathe. Ask yourself: how does the universe see me? Not just “see,” like somebody out there is looking at you, but really, how are they “seeing” you—the real you? The you that you’re afraid to show. I know it’s tough, but I also know you’re going to be okay.