Rejection always hurts but it no longer dictates my happiness
I finally got an update on a decision I've been waiting to hear back from for a few weeks. It was not the news we were hoping for, and so of course, I was bummed. I would have loved for the situation to work out and it was probably my number one choice in terms of short-term opportunities. Rejection, no matter how it's delivered or in what context, it always sucks--at least a little bit. Even if someone you don't like is breaking up with you, there's a part of you (aka your ego) that cringes at being told no.
One of the first things I did was watch Jia Jiang's TED talk on 100 days of rejection, where he starts a project where he works on his fears of rejection by practicing putting himself into situations where he was likely to be rejected. He does this for 100 days and blogs about it. Not only does he work on his fear of rejection but finds that people are often willing to engage and it's up to us to ask for what we want. We won't know the answer unless we try.
In the weeks leading up to the decision, I was worried about getting rejected because it meant that I would have to figure out something else to do, but because the decision timeframe got pushed back so much, I had already started thinking about what other paths might look like. As I thought about those other paths more and more, they seemed less daunting and more plausible. And in turn, the fear of rejection of that first opportunity lessened. It just held less weight and significance in my life.
The other light bulb moment that happened upon getting rejected was that I realized that while disappointed that this particular opportunity didn't work out, it didn't mean much more than that. There are other ways to pursue the same path and more importantly, I no longer let outcomes that are out of my control dictate my happiness. For most of my life--even up until a few months and weeks ago, I was one of those people who was always looking towards the future: when I get X, I'll be happy. When I lose 10 pounds, I'll feel more confident about my body. When I make Y amount of money, I'll feel like I have enough. When I get accepted into this program, I'll feel accomplished. But, upon getting rejected, I didn't suddenly feel un-accomplished. In fact, it didn't change anything really. By default, because it hadn't worked out, I was facing the same situation as I did before I got the news.
It was kind of a weird feeling---expecting myself to be more upset but also being pleasantly surprised at how well I was handling the situation. Then, I thought, this must be happiness or inner peace or whatever you want to call it. Feeling okay and whole and knowing that it will be okay in the future, too.