Why it’s hard to stop working even when we’re sick of it

Why is it so hard to take a break without feeling anxious about it? I had heard about this happening to others at the start of their mini-retirement, sabbatical, or actual retirement. The same this has been happening to me. If this is what I’ve been dreaming of for so long, why does it feel this way? 

1. You’re doing something new and different. 

We’re used to the drudgery of our daily lives. It’s safe. It’s comfortable. It’s what we know and are used to as our reality. The quiet hum of boredom, dissatisfaction, misery is the background rug of our lives. When we take a break, it’s like someone has yanked that rug from under our feet and we have no environment other than the one created by our minds. Now that we’re not running around from meeting to meeting, we actually are alone with our thoughts---this is a new way of experiencing life. Just like with anything else, it takes time to adjust to a new situation and orient ourselves in our new environment. 

2. Your body is physically adjusting.

Have you ever gotten sick when on vacation or maybe after a high-stress situation ended? This is called the “let-down effect,” which is a psychological-physical experience when the body creates an immune response (e.g., some kind of flare-up or feeling sick) following a stressful situation. While you could get sick during the stressful situation, too, if that’s your default, it’s really when you’re coming out of that environment that your body is likely to have some reaction. If this happens to you, treat yourself with care and kindness. Move through life slowly and take some time off to rest, recover, and rejuvenate. 

3. You have some unresolved work-related stuff to work through.

Depending on your relationship to work before, you may have some emotional issues related to work that you need some time to reflect on. This could be related to releasing your identity around your career and title. It could also be forgiving and forgetting unpleasant coworkers or managers. It might also be releasing any resentment you might have if you were let go. Whatever the issue is, it’s totally normal for the issue not to be 100% resolved just because you have left the workplace. We often bury emotions deep down and may not even be fully aware of their impact on us. Just as you would treat your physical self with care, treat your emotional body with patience and kindness. Journaling, practicing loving kindness meditations, or working with a therapist can be effective tools for releasing your issues. 

4. Your mindset is still stuck on where you’ve been. 

If for the last 7-30 years of your life have been focused on work, it’s natural that your mind is still focused on work even after you leave your job. You have oriented much of your schedule, needs, priorities, etc. around work and your work schedule, so it makes sense that you’re still thinking about work the Monday after you leave your job. During this transition phase from what your life used to look like to your new life, it is easy to think about what you know. What’s harder is exploring the unknown and redefining your life going forward. Once you have a clearer sense of how you will be spending your time, your mind will naturally begin to focus more on the next phase you’re building. 

5. Your situation is different from everyone else’s.

Even though your life may be different, your friends and family around you are likely still in their usual day-to-day. It’s easy to get sucked into everyone else’s work stuff, especially if you’re not really dealing with your own. It’s more likely than not that some have tried to stop you from taking time off, because people get scared when other people are doing exciting, brilliant things. It makes them feel like their lifestyle is being threatened. Maybe pressure from others has you thinking about work or that you should be thinking about returning to work, but this is their issue, not yours. Don’t be afraid to walk on your own path.